¡Adios STDs!


New studies have shown that sexually transmitted diseases are running roughshod over the youth of America.  While this information has caused a low-level panic among teenagers, parents, and sex-ed teachers, the news is met with a smile from those near 30.  Why?  STDs are for youngins.

Those at or near 30 have left the labyrinth of the late teens and early twenties where the STD Boogeyman dwells. Gone is the ticking time bomb of college, when any Thursday night kegger can lead to a Monday visit to the student health center for examination of a suspicious itch. Never again will there be an awkward moment in the check-out aisle when buying phrophylactics- a 30 year old can confidently purchase a pack of condoms with a manner that says, "That's right. I'm 30, and I'm sexually active in a safe and responsible way. Deal with it! . . . I'll also take this pack of gum." 

For those who are on the brink of 30 and are engulfed by a last minute urge to date or "swim" with younger fish, this information is a potent reminder that they are wading into dangerous waters. Not only can that risky behavior give one the label of "cougar" (females) or being like "the guy in community college who dates high school chicks," but the price of admission may be more than your loins want to pay.

Ideally, one who turns 30 should heave a sigh of relief for escaping the sexual minefield of their twenties, waving goodbye to those STDs that lie in the rear-view mirror. For whether a 30 year-old is single, in a monogamous relationship, or married/abstinent there is a bright, sexually healthy future ahead of them.*


*This "future" should last indefinitely, though there have been rare instances of STD reoccurrence in old age.
 

1 comment:

Jessie said...

Thank you for acknowledging that married/abstinent are synonymous