Sit Down Already!

Henry Ford once said in an interview "I never stand when I can sit down." Little did he know that he was reciting the unwritten (until now) mantra of a 30 year-old.

While the debate rages as to whether it is weakness or wisdom, a Triple Decker is one who prefers sitting to standing. While this need is not so evolved that special sitting equipment is required at all times, it is nonetheless a dominant part of at Triple Decker's genetic make up.

Most 30 year-olds first sense this shift at parties, where for some unknown reason they will inexplicably be drawn to the nearest couch or chair and will make their roost there. Where once upon a time standing all night would have been acceptable, a Triple Decker is fine with enjoying a party at a lower altitude. In fact, if one is looking to interact with a 30 year-old at a gathering it is recommended they place themselves at the most comfortable sitting station. This phenomenon is also valuable if one is trying to locate the nearest sitting surface at a gathering - hitch your wagon to a Triple Decker and they will no doubt lead you to the cushioned promised land.

Some Triple Deckers are so hard-wired to find seats, that they will literally sit on the floor if no traditional seats are available. This behavior can be observed at music shows, where any 30 year-old who is lucky enough to have floor seats will most likely be sitting on the floor in between the musical acts (especially if there is no barricade or post for them to lean against).

After one turns 30, it is also more likely that they will appreciate specialty shops and other technologies that enhance ones sitting experience. The living space of any Triple Decker is likely to include enhanced chairs, pillows, prosthesis, or a combination of the three. There is also a strong correlation between turning 30 and ending up on the mailing list for the Relax The Back Store catalog.

A unique paradox of the Triple Decker's desire to sit is highlighted by the fact that many of them already have jobs that require them to sit for most of the day anyway. Not only that, but sitting for prolonged periods also creates stiffness, which in turn necessitates more stretching. However, because stretching is another favorite pastime of the 30 year-old, some believe that the heightened impulse to sit is simply a subconscious desire to stretch more often, but this has yet to be proven...

There Goes the Gray-borhood...

Once upon a time, pre-30, discovering a single gray hair was a novelty. It was akin to finding a long whisker sprouting from one's pre-pubescent cheeks. And just like that child with the long whisker, a pre-Triple Decker might even proudly show off their solo gray hair. That little gray rogue could serve as a dandy conversation starter or party-trick, and some brave souls might even abstain from plucking or concealing it!

Yet once the clock strikes 30, the end is nigh...

Those little gray travelers that once seemed like silly, lost tourists in the land of pigmented hair have become advance scouts for an invading Gray army. Once a few grays get settled in a hostile takeover is imminent and options are limited to Triple Deckers. Some may opt for immediate removal of any gray hairs by plucking them out by themselves, or through the help of a trusted confidant. Dyeing or other OTC gray-concealing options are also available for any 30-year old who wants their to maintain their monochromatic mane (or facial hair).

Some Triple Deckers choose swing to the other side of the spectrum and embrace the grays, deciding to take advantage of this transition period. For males that means showing off their salt and pepper temples to attract women who respond to that "father figure/professor" look, and for women it manifests in the "silver fox" look that gives off the vibe of a proud, wizened sorceress or yogini who's ready to not only manage their stock portfolio but also enjoy a good tumble in the rough.

The other interesting phenomena of this graying stage is how it affects Triple Deckers psychologically. Many will refuse to pluck their gray hairs as they believe in the superstition that plucking one will cause ten more to spring up in it's place (even though this myth has been debunked as nothing more than pro-gray propaganda). Other Triple Deckers will add to their already abundant vitamin intake such hair-friendly nutrients as folic acid and niacin to help stem the gray-tide from within. Others will agressively pursue meditation and/or yoga to immediately lower their stress to pre-gray levels, in the hopes that the gray hairs will retreat and forget their way back to the neighborhood. This last technique most often results in accelerating a different post-30 phenomenon, stress from reducing stress.

Ultimately, there is no correct or incorrect way for a Triple Decker to deal with their gray hairs, and the most secure 30-year olds will take comfort in the fact that graying is a natural process... just like aging, entropy, and of course, death.