Sit Down Already!

Henry Ford once said in an interview "I never stand when I can sit down." Little did he know that he was reciting the unwritten (until now) mantra of a 30 year-old.

While the debate rages as to whether it is weakness or wisdom, a Triple Decker is one who prefers sitting to standing. While this need is not so evolved that special sitting equipment is required at all times, it is nonetheless a dominant part of at Triple Decker's genetic make up.

Most 30 year-olds first sense this shift at parties, where for some unknown reason they will inexplicably be drawn to the nearest couch or chair and will make their roost there. Where once upon a time standing all night would have been acceptable, a Triple Decker is fine with enjoying a party at a lower altitude. In fact, if one is looking to interact with a 30 year-old at a gathering it is recommended they place themselves at the most comfortable sitting station. This phenomenon is also valuable if one is trying to locate the nearest sitting surface at a gathering - hitch your wagon to a Triple Decker and they will no doubt lead you to the cushioned promised land.

Some Triple Deckers are so hard-wired to find seats, that they will literally sit on the floor if no traditional seats are available. This behavior can be observed at music shows, where any 30 year-old who is lucky enough to have floor seats will most likely be sitting on the floor in between the musical acts (especially if there is no barricade or post for them to lean against).

After one turns 30, it is also more likely that they will appreciate specialty shops and other technologies that enhance ones sitting experience. The living space of any Triple Decker is likely to include enhanced chairs, pillows, prosthesis, or a combination of the three. There is also a strong correlation between turning 30 and ending up on the mailing list for the Relax The Back Store catalog.

A unique paradox of the Triple Decker's desire to sit is highlighted by the fact that many of them already have jobs that require them to sit for most of the day anyway. Not only that, but sitting for prolonged periods also creates stiffness, which in turn necessitates more stretching. However, because stretching is another favorite pastime of the 30 year-old, some believe that the heightened impulse to sit is simply a subconscious desire to stretch more often, but this has yet to be proven...

The Art of Stretching

Studies have yet to determine at what age one begins to stretch with vocalization (i.e. yawning, expletives, passing gas), but once 30 approaches, stretching becomes an individual art form.  By the time the line of 30 is crossed, the classic S.S.S. routine (sh*t, shower, shave) is without controversy expanded to include a fourth 'S' for "stretching."

Triple Deckers will memorize their favorite stretching routines, as well as tricks involving door jams, tennis balls, or other inanimate objects that help get to the tightest and most hard to reach areas.  Stretching tips and secrets are freely exchanged between 30 year-olds, all in the name of getting a stiff vertebrae to 'pop' or a pesky hamstring to loosen.  Even non-athletic locations such as airports, movie theatres, offices, even cars, have become fair game for impromptu stretch-outs.  

In fact, to get the most out of all the time needed for extra stretching, many Triple Deckers will take up Yoga as it offers them s 3 for 1 exercise - stretching, working out, and managing the stress of leaving their 20s.  It should be noted however, that 30 year-olds are not advised to dabble in Tai Chi unless they want to be mistaken for much older.